It is the ability to knowing and identifying one's own emotions and those of othersas well as the ability to manage and control them so that they do not lead to self-destructive and self-defeating behaviour.
It is measured in pleasure and happiness. The more emotionally intelligent you become, the more you get what you want and the less you get what you don't want. Whoever is not able to govern himself (emotionally) loses everything. I have seen very brilliant people in their careers ruin everything because they did not know how to manage their emotions in the face of personal conflicts.
It is present in all areas of our lives: in couples, family, work, friends, economics, politics, ..... Emotional intelligence is the best predictor of social and professional success than any other intelligence. You can be a very good musician, football player, mathematician, etc., but if you don't know how to manage your emotions you will easily fall into defeatist behaviour and that will lead to failure.
A person with good emotional intelligence is consistent with what he/she preaches, has a good sense of humour, has a capacity for self-enjoyment and interest in others, self-direction, flexibility, frustration tolerance, moderate risk-taking, realistic thinking, seeks creative interests, accepts him/herself unconditionally, takes responsibility for his/her own problems and tends to seek pleasure in a broad sense. His benefits is that they tend to lead healthier lifestyles, have fewer conflicts with themselves and with others, tend to achieve more of their goals, enjoy life more, tend to get sick less and have better physical health, which leads them to age better and live a longer and more secure life.
While a person with low emotional intelligence usually have the opposite of the above. Their characteristic is that they are very emotionally labile, have a low tolerance for frustration, are self-centred, seek immediate satisfaction, do not engage in creative projects, are demanding of themselves and others, are excessively self-condemning, create dependent relationships, do not take responsibility for themselves and blame others for what happens to them. Their obstacles is that they are continually over-frustrated and this leads to despair. Because their thoughts and way of seeing things does not correspond to reality, they are continually frustrated and upset, and instead of changing their beliefs they blame others, so they do not change and this leads to over-frustration. They fall into the same mistake over and over again. Some avoid the problem, others ignore it, which makes their solution even more of a problem. All this leads to self-defeating, victimising behaviour, which leads to less healthy lifestyles and a life with fewer safeguards.
Are there techniques to increase the level of emotional intelligence?
There are many techniques for emotional self-management. One of the most effective is the one applied by the Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy. It is based on a simple ABC model to explain emotions. A would be the Triggering EventThe situation that has triggered an emotion in ourselves (e.g. a break-up of a relationship). B would be beliefs and thoughts we have with regard to that situation. Y the C would be the Emotional Consequence product of our thoughts (B).
Let us illustrate this with an example. Let's imagine that three vice presidents of the same age, gender and status are fired from the same company. That would be the Acitvating Event (A).
The Emotional Consequence (C) is different for each of them. The first one is in a state of deep depression and dislike for everything. The second one is very angry and revengeful. While the third one is sad and disappointed but still wants to do things.
On what does it depend that everyone reacts differently to the same event? On their interpretation of what happened. That is to say, on their thoughts and beliefs (B) that they hold in their minds.
Thus, the former will probably be thinking "without this company I am nothing, I will never find another one like it, it is terrible what has happened to me", which will lead him to feel depressed and unwilling to do anything but lament and victimise himself for what has happened. This situation will lead him to a dead end. The second, in his angry state, will be saying to himself "It is unfair what they have done to me, I can't stand it, they have no right to do it, they are despicable and deserve the worst". This state will lead to aggression, more conflict and probably a stomach ulcer. While the third one, who feels sad and disappointed, would think "It is sad what has happened to me and I don't like it but it is not the end of the world, besides I can use the time now to do those things that I like". This attitude will surely lead him to be more active and to look for new alternatives.
Therefore, the objective of the Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy is to help people find new, alternative and more constructive ways of thinking that help them to better manage their emotions and achieve their personal goals and objectives. That is what Emotional Intelligence is all about!