INFIDELITY PROBLEMS

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Infidelity or adultery?

According to the Diccionario de la Lengua Española (Espasa-Calpe, 2005) the word Infidelidad means "lack of loyalty", i.e. "lack of nobility, trust, frankness, honesty".

Infidelity is related to treachery, falsehood, deceit, ingratitude or vileness.

Adultery, on the other hand, means "sexual intercourse of a married person with a person other than his or her spouse" and is related to "lack of legitimacy", i.e. conformity and conformity to established law.

Although the two are used interchangeably, they do not mean the same thing. While infidelity refers to a matter of loyalty, trust, adultery refers more to a matter of law.

What is Infidelity?

As mentioned above, infidelity refers to a lack of loyalty, nobility, trust, openness and honesty. It is the breaking of the affective and sexual pact you have with your partner.

Therefore, infidelity does not necessarily have to be sexual, but one can feel betrayed by one's spouse's work, hobbies, or friends. However, we will focus on sexual infidelity.

In question, infidelity is the lack of honesty in a couple. It is the feeling of betrayal of a pact or commitment that can break the relationship.

Covenants in the couple

Covenants refer to contracts established by couples and should be made with reflection, flexibility and free will of both partners and not by imposed tradition. They are there to serve us and not to turn us into their servants as Montserrat Calvo says in her book "Sexualidad Atlética o Erotismo".

Covenants have to be based on respect for each member's right to have thoughts, wishes, opinions and feelings that are different from our own. There are basically two types of covenants:

• a- Monogamy or Polygamy
  Monogamy is defined as a conjugal relationship between two persons; polygamy is defined as a conjugal relationship between several persons.
• b- Sexual exclusivity or sexual variety

In addition to deciding between monogamous and polygamous relationships, you can choose between sexual exclusivity and non-sexual exclusivity. That is, to be able to have sexual relations outside the relationship. These relationships are called open, while exclusive relationships are called closed.

From a psycho-emotional point of view we could say that in the human being there is a strong desire to create a unique and exclusive bond with a few people, and another antagonistic desire, which is that of curiosity and exploring the diversity of life, as Alberoni tells us in his book "Sex and Love". The former drives us to create lasting bonds, a sense of possession and jealousy; the latter, to explore, experiment, curiosity and promiscuity.

Falling in love is the only stage where both desires converge. Subsequently, the relationship shifts between being closer and seeking variety. In seasons one predominates more than the other.

Subsequent to falling in love, covenants in the couple may determine to what degree and in what way we satisfy the desire for variety.

Frequency of Infidelity

Infidelity seems to be very frequently present in couples. It is estimated that 50% of couples have had an unfaithful relationship in their lifetime. The frequency is similar in both sexes.

Causes of infidelity

There are basically four reasons that can lead to infidelity:

• Monotony and boredom in the couple or in their personal life that leads the person to search for new sensations.
• Dissatisfaction with the partner and the search for "temporary solutions" that serve to cover up the shortcomings of the relationship.
• A way of taking revenge on the partner and hurting him or her.
• A way of leaving a partner, looking for a substitute to take the step.

What to do to overcome infidelity?

The first thing to keep in mind is that it takes time to regain trust in your partner, accept the situation and distance yourself. Secondly, review the reasons that led to the unfaithful behaviour. Thirdly, to look for solutions and alternatives. And finally, to establish new pacts that allow the couple to grow from a new understanding.

An infidelity does not have to be the reason for the destruction of a couple, as it can bring a new dimension to the couple that has not yet been explored.