FEMALE ANORGASMIA
- It is the persistent or recurrent absence or delay of orgasm after a phase of normal sexual arousal.
- This difficulty can occur with a wide variety of manual, oral and penetrative stimulation.
- This problem often causes significant distress to the sufferer and a deterioration of relationships.
The main causes of the absence of orgasm may be poor learning and/or anxiety problems.
It may be that the woman has not learned how to stimulate herself well to achieve good arousal or that she does not tell her partner how she likes to be stimulated out of fear or embarrassment.
There is also often strong anxiety about having sex for fear of rejection or abandonment.
Although orgasm is important for a woman, it is neither too important nor necessary and obligatory to experience it in order to fully enjoy sexuality. When a practice such as penetration or orgasm itself becomes "sacred", half of the sexual enjoyment is lost because one is preoccupied and obsessed with its occurrence and ignores or marginalises other equally important experiences. Moreover, when the "essential" does not happen, one feels failed, disillusioned and very unhappy.
Sexuality is much more than having and having orgasms. The idealisation of orgasm leads to the marginalisation of other experiences. It should be seen as an eventual consequence rather than a goal of sexual activity. The orgasm would be like the cherry on top of the cake, but without it there would still be a good cake to enjoy.
Much has been written about orgasm and the multi-orgasmic capacity of women, but certain myths and lies persist. It is common to see women expecting to enjoy orgasms like those seen in films where the woman, after a little erotic play and a few kisses and caresses, is penetrated by the man and manages to enjoy an instant, simultaneous and even multiple orgasm, moaning wildly and arching her back while continuing to move her pelvis vigorously. Many believe that orgasms are like explosions of fireworks, that there are tremors all over the body, and that she screams like crazy.
All these myths create false expectations and frustrations around the experience of sexuality. By waiting for the fireworks, they miss out on all the pleasure of the sexual encounter, or they experience orgasm with frustration and resignation because it is not what they expect or what they think it should be.